Today, I decided to stay home and study.
It's 12:15 in the afternoon and I'm sitting at home in bed with my American Governmnent test in the works. I have my math homework and my Political Theory books sprawled out across my bed. I'm really doing a good job of minding my own business these days, and doing my best to maintain good study habits in hopes of actually getting A's this semester. Now, I'm a quiet loft-dweller. I'm a mellow college student who doesn't throw parties or have loud groups of friends over to play horseshoes in the living room. I haven't assembled furniture using power tools or hung pictures on the wall using picture frames I crafted by hand using an electric saw at 11 o'clock at night. Not lately anyway. My kittens no longer meow loudly throught the bottom of my front door while I wait for the elevator in my hallway. I don't have singing frogs, and I'm not a rockstar. I'm a good neighbor.
Late last week at about 2am somebody decided to make TOAST, and managed to create enough smoke to signal a fire, causing the building fire alarms to go off at 2AM. For the record, this is when normal people sleep. This is not when normal people make TOAST. Now, in all fairness, I must admit that there have been times where I had consumed a little too much wine and attempted to cook a frozen pizza, only to discover a week later that I had never turned the oven on and the pizza had dethawed and sunk into the wire oven rack and begun to mold. Nobody's perfect. But, come on. It takes a talented douche bag to burn TOAST that bad at 2am.
Given this isn't the first time in the past month that the building's fire alarms have been sounded, the fire department decided not to waste their time coming out and the duty fell upon me and the rest of the tenants to call management and have them reset the alarm. Try falling asleep after standing outside for 20 minutes in short shorts, a sweatshirt with a kitten stuffed inside the front pouch, and bare feet, with a fever. Oh yeah. But I did it. And I didn't complain neither. Why? Because I'm a badass.
It's 12:15 in the afternoon and I'm sitting at home in bed with my American Governmnent test in the works. I have my math homework and my Political Theory books sprawled out across my bed. I'm really doing a good job of minding my own business these days, and doing my best to maintain good study habits in hopes of actually getting A's this semester. Now, I'm a quiet loft-dweller. I'm a mellow college student who doesn't throw parties or have loud groups of friends over to play horseshoes in the living room. I haven't assembled furniture using power tools or hung pictures on the wall using picture frames I crafted by hand using an electric saw at 11 o'clock at night. Not lately anyway. My kittens no longer meow loudly throught the bottom of my front door while I wait for the elevator in my hallway. I don't have singing frogs, and I'm not a rockstar. I'm a good neighbor.
Late last week at about 2am somebody decided to make TOAST, and managed to create enough smoke to signal a fire, causing the building fire alarms to go off at 2AM. For the record, this is when normal people sleep. This is not when normal people make TOAST. Now, in all fairness, I must admit that there have been times where I had consumed a little too much wine and attempted to cook a frozen pizza, only to discover a week later that I had never turned the oven on and the pizza had dethawed and sunk into the wire oven rack and begun to mold. Nobody's perfect. But, come on. It takes a talented douche bag to burn TOAST that bad at 2am.
Given this isn't the first time in the past month that the building's fire alarms have been sounded, the fire department decided not to waste their time coming out and the duty fell upon me and the rest of the tenants to call management and have them reset the alarm. Try falling asleep after standing outside for 20 minutes in short shorts, a sweatshirt with a kitten stuffed inside the front pouch, and bare feet, with a fever. Oh yeah. But I did it. And I didn't complain neither. Why? Because I'm a badass.
The point is, I'm a good tenant, but I'm no angel. And if you upset me, or don't respect the fact that we have very thin walls, I will seek revenge. Most of my neighbors are polite, respectful, and helpful in most cases. They smile in the elevator, hold the door open, and put the laundry detergent I left in the wash room outside my door when I forget to grab it. But the guy that lives on the other side of my bedroom wall? Well, I can tell we are going to have some conflicts.
First let me point out that, when I moved into my loft, I believed that he was a woman. I believed this because I don't know many men who choose to listen to Womanizer by Britney Spears on repeat until 11 o'clock at night. Looking back, I think he might have been masturbating to her music video, which makes for unsettling mental pictures while falling asleep now if I happen to hear music being played next door after I tuck myself in for the evening.
Currently, his music is so lound that I can clearly understand the lyrics to the crappy R&B music that he's singing along to. In retrospect, maybe my actions have made matters worse, but when this first started about an hour ago I got sick of listening to it and decided to fight back.
Rather than banging on the wall, or going and knocking on his door and politely asking him to turn down his music, I decided to play by my own rules which means: No Rules. Armed with only computer speakers, and a website (Pornotube.com) which provides free access to gay porn, I pushed my laptop and speakers up against the wall, turned the dial to provide for maximum volume, and began to play loud grunting hardcore homosexual intercourse through the wall shared by our apartments....
....which are thinner than I thought, because shortly after this began, with my head pressed up to the wall to listen for his reaction, I heard him turn down the music, let out a loud belch, pause a moment, then say, "What the fuck? Oh. My. God." before immediately turning his music up louder than it had been before. Still, I think I totally won that battle.
Lesson: When I play, I play to win.
Anyway. Today, I decided to go study at LatteLand.
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3 comments:
I'd bet on you, even if it meant betting against myself. Good luck with your neighbor... and studying.
When I was in college we had neighbors who would have screaming fights in Russian. Well, at least I think it was Russian.
But, nothing will beat the big fight I witnessed in front of my ex's apartment where at 5:00 AM two extremely drunk couples got to arguing. One of the guys decided to break up with his obnoxious wailing gf and she called the police and chased after him when he ran away all the while her friend popped a squat and peed on a tree. I listened to her crying, and the police officer for two hours.
HA, remind me again not to piss you off Carrot!
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